Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
