I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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