So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
