no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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