She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will die if light touches me.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
