i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
