I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
