...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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