i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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