i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
