ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
