i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I can't turn off my feet"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
