i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
this hospital has no fireball
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
