I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
