At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
