I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
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