Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
