You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
