I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
