Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
