Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
