Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
