so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need to align my fucking chakras
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
