it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize