talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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