I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
