What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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