i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
