Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
