If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize