in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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