remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
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Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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