Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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