Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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