guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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