you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
