Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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