sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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