Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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