oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
