Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
the liver wants what the liver wants
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
