just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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