His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
