Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
