my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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