i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
