my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
