38 yer olds are good kisserssss
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
