you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
