There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just invented taco cereal.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize