I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
