I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I think people are normalizing furries
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
