you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
