A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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