remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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