It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
