mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
