I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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