If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
