this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
