I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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