I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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