: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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