Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
