the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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