Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
