I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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