I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
