Someone shit on the floor
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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