I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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