Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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