I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
