i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
