Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
