The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
