'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
