Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
