I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
