Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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