so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
