Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It's rum buckets o'clock
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
