I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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