so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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