based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
