I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
