woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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