Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
