hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
