Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
